Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
