Already got asked if we're dating
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
