you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
