I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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