Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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