The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
