I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
