just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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