addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
