This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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