i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
