I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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