He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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