she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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