Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
