He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
