i just wanna soil my oats bro
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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