i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
