Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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