bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
