I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I understand Curling. That high.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need a beard to bite.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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