Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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