i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
