Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
