some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
