She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize