I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Someone shattered a urinal.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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