quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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