Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and she was petting her beer can
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
