Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
