Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My liver just broke up with me...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
