This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
