So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
