Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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