my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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