I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
