I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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