A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
