I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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