North Korea, Best Korea!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
