there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
