Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
