chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My bed smells like the plague
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
