I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
