moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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