let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
