I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
