So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
