saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
