My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
