i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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