Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I CAN MOONWALK!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
