New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
