I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
