Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
