Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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