Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
