Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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