meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Me too!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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