Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize