I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
