Will you blow on my dice?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
