It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
