why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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