Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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