Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
