you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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