All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
