Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
