Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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