I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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