So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
