my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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