it wasn't lemon gatorade
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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