she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
