I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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